KGBlog

i'm trying to compile a list. a really big list. it's the "things i need to do before i die" kind of thing. ie: skydive, visit Machu Picchu, hike the AT, spend a month with my grandpa compiling the epic tales of great grandpa Reinking, live in Africa, scuba dive, take a trip just me and my dad, learn to sail, run a marathon, become fluent in at least one more language, heli-ski, be in times square for a new years, learn to fly fish, etc. Now obviously those have a lot to do with travel and i can't have an entire list comprised of places i want to go and big time consuming events so i'm in need of small stuff as well. thats where i'm stuck. so i'm going to the online lists of must dos, looking at books, and polling anyone who wants to respond to this little blog post of mine with recomendations. any suggestions are welcome!

thanks,
-kg

ps: 100 seems like a good number so that's what i'm shooting for but i really only need 80 or so given that i have probably already done at least 20 things by now in my life that i can put in as the others. stay tuned for a posting of the final list. it may take a little while.

Posted in: on Thursday, March 15, 2007 at at 11:16 PM 3 comments  

it's been one of those nights. it's funny how they come out of nowhere. things are going along fine and then all of a sudden youre struck with a longing for something more. james is gone for the week on a spring break trip to louisiana to help with continued katrina relief efforts. i am therefore here alone. i dont know what happens when you grow up but something about it has left me frightened of being left alone, just me and my thoughts. i remember back when i was a kid i loved silence. i would lay in the back yard for hours staring up into the clouds and soaking up the beauty. now silence scares me. if i'm alone i keep music going constantly. anything to aviod facing my conscious, my god, the hurts, the junk that has filled up my head in the time between that backyard and now. if i could have one thing tonight it would be peace with a past i may never understand and with a future that i cannot see, peace with a god who has already handed it to me, and a release from the things i grasp there in the corners of my mind. i would wave goodbye to doubt and fear and lay back with nothing weighing on my mind to the sweet sound of silence and think only of the beauty of my god. in the meantime i'll fall asleep once more with a song..."and we watch and wait and do nothing but sigh and hope everything is gonna turn out right"

Posted in: on at at 1:09 AM 0 comments  

has anyone ever noticed that for every year of life there is a song that has you covered? i mean in high school when i was a freshman...the verve pipe song freshman came out. when i was 17 and 18 there were country songs from tim and i think maybe kenny that came out referencing my age. even now that i'm in my 20's its still going on. 23 kenday payne, 24 switchfoot, and now that i'm 25 i've got snow patrol's chocolate for company. opening lines, "this could be there very minute i'm aware i'm alive, all these places feel like home. with a name i've never chosen i can make my first steps as a child of 25..."

not sure what 26 holds for me songwise but i'm sure its out there. for this year though i'll enjoy the one i've got.

Posted in: on Saturday, March 10, 2007 at at 10:18 AM 0 comments  

i went to see 300 tonight with a few guys. it being opening night was pretty cool and it was pretty freaking packed. but all of my excitement was not disapointed, the movie was great and i've now got the urge to go fight someone...but not really i dont want to get hurt. i am though left with this overwhelming respect and admiration, as i am after any movie where people fight for something they believe, for the spartains. there is something so amazing about people with such a strong sense of honor and courage and duty and all that good stuff that they would never compromise what they believe. i am so jealous of it sometimes. i look at my own life and the things i believe. ie everything about christ and god and i wish that i was so uncompromising. i mean its not that there are large glaring failures in my relationship with god but the fact is that i fail all the time in little ways, and going against my god on little stuff when i want my own way is just as bad as doing something big. so there's a new prayer for myself. i want to be as uncompromising and as passionate about remaining true to my god as those guys on the big screen are about staying true to each other and their way of life. thanks sparta.

Posted in: on at at 12:07 AM 0 comments  

obviously given the topic of my last post love has been on my mind recently. oddly enough it has not been the type in the last post. more of the type referenced in the preceeding three posts.

i have this growing feeling that i might really want to love my god and that he might really want to love me. now i dont understand him and why he would let me get lost for two hours in charlotte while my friend waited patiently for me to meet her for dinner but i for some reason dont know that i have to know why. let me go back to that one. i mean i was mad last night, really mad. i was certain that there was no one benefiting from the fact that every set of directions i recieved for those two hours was way off. and i was furious at god, not because i was tired of driving around, but because my friend was having to suffer from my plight. but now i seem to think that i dont have to know why everything happens, and as much as i didnt think god was very helpfull last night i guess im still going to hold onto the idea that i am a part of his bride and that hes in love with me. so why do i have this feeling? i think that its due to all the stuff about worship i've been writing. i have experienced worship consistently for the past couple of months within the most genuine group i have found in a long time. i barely know any of the people there but regardless of our lives away from that place for the time that we are there we are all in the presence of our love. he is there with us and we are pouring out our hearts in song and prayer to him. what happens in that place is real. i'll come back to the thing i love most. by the end of the worship we have all nearly lost our voices and are belting out in cracking off pitchedness (including those leading the singing) the final repeted shouts of our praise to our god. there is something in the intensity of the worship and the passion of it that i love. it's like pastor alans sermons. theres nothing much to take away from them that is tangible. not a big lesson or a long list of to-dos, but just the feeling of having just been in gods presence and experienced him. to know a passionate love such as our gods can only inspire it within you. and that for me is the only thing that can inspire it. i am always told to be overwhelmed by the love christ demonstrated way back when on the cross. it has never done so. not once. i for some reason have always lived in the present. oh im grateful and happy that he did it but its past. show me a god that loves me here and now and youll get me going. show me a god who holds me in his grasp who whispers to me every hour of every day how much he loves me and you have my attention. it is the god that im beginning to believe still loves me, that i might just really want to love.

ps: this is in no way a shot at the upcoming easter holiday. im sure there are some people who are greatly impacted by the past and im all for that. its just not me at this point. also this "starting to believe thing" is a bit of a throwback to a back in the day blog about how awesome it would be if we as christians really believed what we said was true. ie: me really believing that god loves me, not just "knowing", would be pretty sweet.

Posted in: on Tuesday, March 06, 2007 at at 10:14 PM 0 comments  

unnecessary information that i figured out today...

i havent dated anyone in like 6 years. that means since i was in my teens. i dont know what the record is but i think im doing pretty well.

in a related story my roomate once told a girl i was asexual...which is in fact not the case although from the track record above i can see where one might get that idea.

id like to say im working on the situation but i dont know if i see any highened efforts into the dating scene on the horizon.

Posted in: on Sunday, March 04, 2007 at at 1:44 AM 2 comments